Black Cherry Vanilla Coke: An Analysis
Pop companies are going nuts with flavoring their drinks these days. Lime Coke, Lemon Coke, Pepsi Blue, Vanilla coke, Cherry Coke, Pepsi with lime, Pepsi twist... All of these pale in comparison to the pure evil that is Black Cherry Vanilla Coke.
I foolishly bought one today to go along with my mediocre grocery store bought sushi. I figured that I liked cherry coke and I liked vanilla coke, so it seemed perfectly logical that I would like Black Cherry Vanilla Coke. How wrong I was. Adding the word black to the description paints a superb picture of the soul of this product. It’s nearly as evil as the Jones Holiday Pack. The taste in my humble opinion is akin to that of CVS store brand Robotussin mixed with about half a bottle of fake vanilla extract, then mixed with a combination of Diet coke, Coke C2, and a hint of something bitter that I can only assume is the bile of the asshole who designed this abomination to man and god. It somehow manages to be horrifyingly sweet going down, yet have an after taste as bitter as a million bottles of tonic water reduced to syrup, pressed into tablets, and covered in earwax.
The thing that scares me the most is it made my crappy 5 dollar grocery store bought salmon roll taste like it was prepared by the cast or Iron Chef when compared to this hideous product.
In short, avoid this beverage like the plague. I guarantee it will shorten your life span. I’d honestly rather just drink strait vodka; at least then you’re getting a reward for choking down something that tastes nasty. At least the vodka would get me drunk. With this stuff the only thing you get is an empty feeling in your wallet and your soul.
EDIT: It gets weirder. The nutritional information on the back is all kinds of fucked up too. It somehow manages to break math. Last time I checked 100 x 2.5 = 250 NOT 240. All of the stuff on it is messed up.

Aparently it wasen't enough for this shit to taste like diet, some how it becomes diet the more you drink.
Current Mood:
DisgustedCurrent Music: My stomach gurgling attempting to reject the coke